I can’t believe that it is already May 15th. The month has flown by, and not necessarily in a good way. It also made me note that it’s been way too long since I’ve written or posted anything. I missed National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day even, an error that will be remedied soon. I’ve worked pretty much non stop the past month. Nights, weekends, days, travel to the home office for annual meetings, and it’s starting to take it’s toll on me. The more stressed and more tired I get, the more I hurt (although the rainy days haven’t helped that at all). By the end of the week, it’s rough. I need to do this for one more solid week. Then, without (too much) guilt, I plan to take off the entire Memorial Day weekend. If I don’t, I’m afraid I’m going to drive myself right into another flare, which is something that I can’t afford to do.
The good part about all of this, is that while there are downsides and I’m tired, sore and relatively cranky half the time, I’ve been able to push through and get a lot of this work done. That’s a huge sign of improvement from how I was feeling back earlier this year. If I’d had these types of work demands back in January and February, I don’t know what I would have done. There was no ability to just push through and deal back then. I think that has a lot to do with the more proactive than reactive approach to my health I’ve tried to take since this last prednisone burst. Between the dietary changes, the supplements, the acupuncture, getting off the pill, I’ve noticed a marked improvement in the overall way I feel these past 4-6 weeks or so. Am I great? Heck no. But, I’m not miserable, I’m not curled up sleeping on the couch the moment I get home or crying from the pain, and I’m able to feel like I can be fun again. My hope is this lasts. I know that it won’t, but right now, my goal is just to not get as bad as it was before. I think that’s doable.
The dowside I’ve noticed these past few weeks is that I still don’t know how to deal with the demands my body puts on me and the demands of work. Some of the people I work with now who are setting some of these work demands know and are aware of what I’m dealing with. And one asks me often how I’m doing. I also say “ok” or “managing”. I don’t want to say that I worry I’m on the verge, or that I need about three days to sleep, because I know everyone else working on this project is dealing with sleepless night and crazy hours too. And I don’t want to be the one who is slacking and causing problems for everyone else. Yet, at the same time, I know that in some ways I’m just not like everyone else and at some point, before it’s too late, I’m going to have to do something. I’m hoping that by taking a long weekend and relaxing next weekend, I can put that off a bit longer and keep pushing through.
With that, I’m off to my physical therapy on the old rib cage. Much improved, so I’m sure I’m about done with the PT. Another positive. I’m keeping track of those to help remind myself how many there really are and how lucky I am.